Free Time

My daddy has the TV on,

My mommy’s in the bath.

My brother’s on the phone again,

My sister’s doing math.

My grandpa’s at the grocery store,

My grandma’s playing chess.

My uncle’s in the kitchen,

Cookin’ stew and makin’ mess.

My aunt took all my cousins

For a triple ice-cream cone.

I guess I’ll have to put the dog

In makeup all alone.

Let's Share

Mom said that we have to share,

So let me have your cake.

In return, I'll let you hold

The cup from my milkshake.

You should let me have your toys,

Your games, your bears, your blocks.

And what will I, then, share with you?

This nifty cardboard box!

Now I want your t-shirt,

And your favorite pair of shorts.

And since Mom said we have to share,

I'll let you share my warts.

I know what I really want--

I've got to have your head.

Hey, come back! I'm gonna tell!

You have to share--Mom said!

Volcano!

It towers up above the island,

Dwarfs the greens below.

And all look up in terror

In the hopes that it won't blow.

It steams and rumbles, threatening

To pour its molten spew.

The only one who has a chance

To shut it down is you!

They're shaking in Jamaica,

And they're trembling in Barbados,

So hurry up, don't be afraid,

And eat those mashed potatoes!

Wagging My Tale

I tried to write a story down,

I wrote it at the table.

And it was just so fabulous

That it must be a fable.

I sat back down to write again

And added to the story

A little alligator guy—

Now it’s an allegory.

I hope that he’ll be nice to me,

I hope he’ll be my friend.

But if he bites my leg off

I will call it a leg-end.

You May Get Wet On This Ride

Listen, my friends, to a story that ends
With me cold and dripping and wet.
The fish in the ocean have merely a notion
Of how deeply drenched they can get.

I started the day in the usual way--
Woke up and jumped right in the shower.
I stood in the stream for a moment, it seemed,
Though really it was half an hour.

I dried and I dressed, with my suit newly pressed,
Ate breakfast and headed to work.
Then at the first light, when I meant to turn right,
I turned left and felt like a jerk.

I shouted in shock as I rounded that block,
And looked for a way to turn back.
From where he had hid jumped a big soapy squid!
My auto was under attack!

I soon learned my roof was not quite waterproof,
And nor were my windows or door.
My eyes opened wide--there was water inside!
Three inches now covered the floor!

The squid was now gone, but my car journeyed on,
And just when I thought we were done,
A high-powered jet sprayed some icy-cold wet,
And left me with nowhere to run.

I sat in my seat as the tide passed my feet,
Then my legs and my torso and arms.
And then, holy heck! It rose up to my neck!
Oh somebody sound the alarms!

The water then rose to the tip of my nose,
And quickly crept over my head.
I madly grew manic and started to panic.
Oh why did I ever leave bed?!

Then air flooded in and my brain could begin
To banish my terror and fear.
My door opened wide and the ocean inside
Drained quickly and then disappeared.

I tried to get calm, then an outward-stretched palm
Popped in as I heard a man holler:
“Thank you for cruising on over and choosing
Bob’s Car Wash--you owe us five dollars.”

I sneezed, gave a cough, then I paid and drove off,
Skipped work and went home to get dry.
My car sparkled clean, but I never have seen
A man who was wetter than I.

I have to confess that despite all the stress,
It was the best car wash I’ve tried.
In fact, I’ve lost track of the times I’ve gone back--
It sure is a heck of a ride!

Bug Ball

Late at night, just once a year,

They gather in the dark.

The insects love to celebrate

The Bug Ball in the park.

They buzz on in from miles around

To dance and stay up late,

All dressed up in their finest clothes,

Each with a tiny date.

Mosquitoes in tuxedos

Make the ladybugs all sigh.

The Beetles play their music,

And the flies are lookin’ fly!

The spider brings some cider,

And the ants bring picnic food.

The lightning bugs blink on and off

To help to set the mood.

They slow dance and their compound eyes

Begin to glow and shine,

Until the centipede begins

A one-man conga line.

Then everyone picks up the pace,

The music starts to swing!

The fire ants all salsa-dance,

The wasps all do “The Sting!”

A honeybee got fresh once,

In the ladies’ room he hid.

Who told him to beehive himself?

Why, you know Katy did.

But usually it all goes off

Without a single hitch.

They dance and buzz and fly and hop

And roll and flap and twitch!

The buggies love their Bug Ball

On a summer’s night in June.

But they’re long gone before the next day’s

Bird Brunch Bash at noon!

Noon

There’s dishes piled up in the sink,

A soup stain on my shirt.

The dog’s been eating tissues,

And the bathtub’s caked with dirt.

My hair’s so thick and matted

That it broke my only brush.

The dust bunnies keep growing,

And the toilet needs a flush.

A grilled cheese sandwich hit the floor,

It’s smeared across the tile.

The baby’s needed to be changed

For quite a little while.

The drain is clogged, a vase just broke,

The van has a flat tire.

The basement’s underwater,

And the attic is on fire!

Mom and Dad said I should let them

Sleep in late this morning.

My work is done—when they wake up

They’ll take this as a warning.