Special Dietary Needs Thanksgiving

Late November once again,

Thanksgiving time is near!

I can’t recall the last time when

The family’s all been here.

And this year, it’s our turn to host

The big Thanksgiving meal,

So rev your oven up to roast,

But listen—here’s the deal:

Mom’s a vegetarian,

So get the tofu ready.

Steve’s a pastafarian,

So whip up some spaghetti!

Uncle John prefers his turkey

Stringy, dry, and plain.

Little John—that kid’s so quirky—

Can’t eat any grain.

Jill and Ken can’t get enough

Of Auntie Lynn’s tomatoes.

David hates the crumbly stuff

On grandma’s sweet potatoes.

Grandpa won’t touch any food

That comes from overseas.

Unless you’re in a fighting mood,

Toss out the English peas.

Susan’s girlfriend can’t stand rice—

She says that it’s too starchy.

Save the darkest turkey slice

For second cousin Archie!

Dad will go ballistic if 

There’s anything with gluten.

Joe hates pie—can’t take one whiff—

So make a big fig newton.

And don’t forget the lactose issue

Bothering us all.

We have some extra toilet tissue

Stockpiled in the hall.

You get all that?  Okay, thanks hon!

Let’s get that dinner made!

Just call me when the food is done—

It’s time for the parade!