Monday, April 1, 2019

Closing Argument



“Your honor, the defendant stands accused before the court
Of crimes quite reprehensible. The list is none too short.
Three counts of grand theft auto with a rusty old machete,
Two counts of public lewdness with a plate of cold spaghetti,
Obstructing heavy traffic wearing only a fedora,
Conducting a Bar Mitzvah with a giant gummi Torah,
Misspelling girlfriends’ names on half a dozen big tattoos,
Removing final chapters from a shelf of Nancy Drews,
Kidnapping a koala from a wildlife sanctuary,
Assaulting strangers dressed up as the ‘Random Beat-Down Fairy,’
Providing pure ghost pepper juice to quench his grandma’s thirst,
And thirty-seven separate counts of murder in the first.
Your honor, he must answer for each horrible offense.”

“Agreed. Now do you have a thing to say in your defense?”

The little man inhaled and eyed the jury on their stools,
And then he offered his defense:  “Your honor . . . APRIL FOOLS!”