Growing Out My Mustache

I’m growing out my mustache.

I haven’t shaved all year.

I’m growing out my mustache 

So it spreads from ear to ear.

Imagine how I’ll twirl it!

Imagine all the loops!

Just like a hairy roller coaster--

Hills and dives and swoops!

I may look like a garden gnome,

Or some cave dwelling troll.

I bet I’ll scare the neighbors

When I take my evening stroll.

I promise I’ll shampoo it

So it gets a golden sheen

The mousies who will nest there

Would appreciate it clean.

I’ll wear a mustache harness 

So it helps me bear the weight.

I’ll tie it in a bow-tie

When I go out on a date.

Sometimes I’ll trim it into shapes,

A facial topiary--

The Loch Ness Monster Mustache,

Seldom seen, but mighty scary!

When I curl up the edges,

I’ll have hangers for my shirts.

Oh my ginormous ‘stache will be

So beautiful it hurts!

I’m growing out my mustache

It’s the best idea I’ve had.

I haven’t shaved in seven months.

It’s half an inch--not bad!