Daylight Savings Time

Tonight is daylight savings time,

I get an extra hour!

Just think what I could do with it!

Oh, tremble at my power!

Why, I could take my extra time

And make a time machine!

Then build the biggest army

That the world has ever seen!

An extra hour, just this once,

Could be the thing I need

To help me squash my enemies

Forever, yes indeed!

A bonus hour in my day,

My foes will swear and curse!

I’ll catch them off their guard, at last,

And rule the universe!

I’ll use this extra hour well,

My life will be complete!

Oh hey, looks like cartoons are on!

An extra hour—SWEET!

An Offer I Had To Refuse

I wanted to write about Mars Capone—

I thought it would be easy.

An alien gangster! I should have known

It would turn out way too cheesy.

In a Trick-or-Treating Wonderland

Doorbells ring! Did you listen?

Come and see what you're missin'!

A goblin and ghost,

As scary as most,

In a trick-or-treating wonderland!

Gone away are my candies,

Piece-by-piece, in their handies.

The kids are a sight,

They show up all night,

In a trick-or-treating wonderland!

Here's a fairy princess and a turtle!

Oh, now, what are you supposed to be?

Come on in the kitchen, meet Aunt Myrtle!

"Oh aren't they a precious thing to see?"

Later on, if we tire

Of your costumed attire,

We might send you back

To fill up your sack,

In a trick-or-treating wonderland!

Just Desserts

People often ask me why

All I eat is pumpkin pie.

If I eat them all, you see,

Then the pumpkins can't eat me!

Gourmet Cooking Night

It’s “Gourmet Cooking Night!” Hooray!

My family’s favorite treat.

When I help Mom and Dad come up

With something new to eat.

They start out plain and simple,

With a chicken or a roast,

But then they leave the room,

And that’s when I help out the most!

I open up the fridge and grab

Whatever’s most expedient,

Then close my eyes and throw it in—

The mystery ingredient!

One time we had a turkey

Stuffed with oatmeal cookie-dough,

And once we had some burgers

Topped with pudding over-flow.

Our sweet-potato casserole

Had week-old breaded snapper,

And nothing beats spaghetti

With an empty butter wrapper!

Tonight’s surprise appears to be,

As far as I can make out,

Lasagna filled with ice cream

Topped with last night’s Chinese take-out.

Oh Mom and Dad are always proud!

They take just one big bite,

Then take me out for pizza!

Yay for “Gourmet Cooking Night!”

Please Don't Eat My Raisins

Please don’t eat my raisins,

’Cause I don’t have any more!

(Actually, to tell the truth,

I dropped them on the floor).

Please don’t eat my raisins,

Or I’m telling Mom and Dad!

(Actually, to tell the truth,

I think they just went bad).

Please don’t eat my raisins,

’Cause I’m saving all of those!

(Actually, to tell the truth,

I stuck them up my nose).

Please don’t eat my raisins,

’Cause I only have a few!

(Actually, to tell the truth,

I really hope you do).

The Snail

You might not be aware, because he's less than one inch tall,

But crawling in your garden there's a danger to us all.

He plots and schemes while gliding on his slimy mucus trail.

Beware the hidden powers of The World's Most Evil Snail!

From deep inside his shell, (so lightly speckled, slightly swirled),

He hatches fiendish plans to cause the downfall of the world!

A treasure-trove of evil-doing dreams lurk in his mind,

With tools of terror tucked into the house on his behind.

Some dynamite, some dental floss, a bucket and a spoon,

A hula-hoop, two matches, and a poodle-shaped balloon.

The world will tremble when they face the weapons deep inside him.

His evil drives him on, and his antennae help to guide him.

If you can catch this Evil Snail, don't ever let him go.

He's on his way to rule the world, just really . . . r e a l l y . . . . . . . . s l o w.