Teacher's Round

Rows, rows, fix those rows!

Straighten out your chairs!

Quietly, quietly, quietly, quietly!

There's a class downstairs!

Quiz, quiz, take your quiz!

Books beneath your seat!

Keep your eyes in front of you!

Only cheaters cheat!

Hands, hands, raise your hands!

Always wait your turn!

Listen when I talk to you!

Don't you want to learn?

Grades, grades, check your grades!

Last day of the year!

Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily!

Summertime is here!

I Looked

I looked on the shelves and I looked on the floor.

I looked in the place where I had it before.

I looked in the crannies, I looked in each nook.

I looked in the back of a scratch-and-sniff book.

I looked in the car, in the house, in the park.

I looked where the demon trees glow in the dark.

I looked on the moon and I looked in the stars,

I looked in a field of electric guitars.

I looked in some places I oughtn’t to mention,

I looked in a fish from another dimension.

And then, once again, though I’d looked there already,

I looked on the Mountain of Mango Spaghetti.

I looked and I looked and I looked and I looked!

I looked ’til the universe almost unhooked!

I might look forever! It’s so hard to find!

How careless of me to keep losing my mind!

Can I Keep Him?

Oh please can I keep him?

He followed me home!

I’ll wash him, I’ll feed him,

I won’t let him roam!

I’ll make him a bed,

And I’ll clean out his bowl.

Oh please, let me keep him—

My baby Black Hole!

He won’t make a problem,

He won’t make a mess,

He won’t cause more clutter—

In fact, he’ll cause less!

Whatever you feed him,

He’ll never get full—

He’s got such a strong

Irresistible pull!

He won’t share your secrets,

However surprisin’—

They won’t travel on from

His event horizon.

He’ll keep me from sunburns!

He’ll eat every ray!

You’ll save on my sunscreen!

Oh please, can he stay?

You’ll try to resist him

To not let me win,

But look at this cutie—

He just draws you in!

My baby Black Hole

Gives me such satisfaction.

Just step a bit closer—

You’ll feel the attraction!

Errand Errors

I ordered an extra-large smoothie—

That’s not what I ought to have said!

The barber just smiled, let his clippers go wild,

And shaved all the hair off my head!

I went to the juice shop much later.

I said, “Just a bit off the top.”

The juice guy, alas, drank from everyone’s glass,

And no one could get him to stop!

The next place I went was no better—

I said, “Do a balance check, please.”

It took no repeating—the baker stopped kneading

And knocked me right down to my knees!

“Put some dough in a bag,” at the next place.

I swear that I didn’t mean harm!

I just wanted bread—that’s the next thing I said!

But the bank teller hit the alarm!

And that is what happened, your honor!

It’s just like I told the reporter!

I’ve learned a big lesson—the next time, I’m guessin’

I’ll run all my errands in order!

Fancy Pants

I'm putting on my fancy pants—

They’re special as can be!

Oh no one else has pants that are

Quite like the ones on me!

My fancy pants are purple,

My fancy pants have stripes.

My pants have lots more buttons

Than the plain non-fancy types.

The buttons go right down the front.

I counted them—there’s eight!

They button in a row, and so

The closing part stays straight.

The pocket flaps are upside-down—

They’re just for decoration.

But still, I love my fancy pants!

A fashion celebration!

I’m just a bit confused, though,

By the big hole for my bottom.

It seems to have a collar, too.

I wonder why it’s got ’em?

I’ll go and ask my friend next door—

I guess it couldn’t hurt.

I just adore my fancy pants!

Has someone seen my shirt?

Riddle

What has a mouth, but cannot speak? 

What has four wheels and flies? 

What has a dish, but never eats? 

A bed, but never lies?   

What walks upon all fours at night 

But walks on five at noon? 

What sparkles in the summer sun 

And shimmers ’neath the moon?   

What’s old today but young tomorrow? 

What’s both clean and dirty? 

What is lighter than the breeze, 

But solid, strong, and sturdy?   

What smells a lot but has no nose? 

What’s eyeless, but can see? 

What’s conquering your planet now? 

You guessed them all—it’s me!

Enough

Billy’s sideburns were too long, 

So he got the trimmers. 

Now his head is shiny-smooth! 

It glows and glints and glimmers!   

Susie’s salad was too bland, 

So she got some dressing. 

Now’s she’s got a bowl of soup— 

It’s really quite depressing!   

Katie’s guppy was too small, 

So she overfed it. 

Now she’s got a mega-shark! 

Would someone care to pet it?   

Joey’s music was too quiet, 

So he turned it louder. 

Now his walls are shaking, 

And they’re crumbling into powder!   

Andy’s poem was too long, 

It bothered all his friends. 

So he just stopped writing it, 

And now it never