Ay, There’s The Rub

Oh I’m the genie of the lamp,

And you have set me free. 

I’ll sing a song, stretch out my cramp,

And grant you wishes three. 

I won’t sit on the sidelines,

I’ll get straight to work for you. 

But first, some rules, some guidelines,

There’s some things that I can’t do. 

I can’t make people fall in love,

I can’t undo the past,

I can’t move planets up above,

I can’t make time go fast.

I cannot bring you riches,

And I will not maim or kill,

I’d rather not soothe itches

Or clean up a diaper spill. 

I don’t do windows, won’t do floors,

I cannot bring World Peace,

I will not help you with your chores,

I won’t co-sign your lease. 

I can’t transport you places,

And I can’t change your appearance,

I can’t affect horse races,

Or find hot new styles on clearance. 

A friend like me, you’ve never had—

No need to quake and cower. 

You want to be a Prince? Too bad. 

That’s just beyond my power. 

But what I do, I do so well

Your mind will come unglued. 

From in the lamp where I do dwell,

I’ll bring you any food!

Whatever you are hungry for,

A meal, a snack, a treat,

Just make a wish or three—no more—

And pretty soon, you’ll eat!

You make your wish and give a nod,

I bring your food out later. 

I’m not a wizard, not a god. 

I’m basically a waiter.