Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Show or Tell?

"I'm sick," Sue said,

"Come feel my head--

I can't do show and tell."

"You can't fool me,"

Said Ms. McGee,

"You're looking very well."

Yelled Sue, "I'm sick!

No games, no trick!

I'm feeling really woozy!"

"You've always lied,"

McGee replied.

"No more--get up there Susie."

So Sue arose--

She wiped her nose,

And stood before the room.

She looked around;

McGee just frowned

With dour deadly doom.

"What should I do,"

Thought our friend Sue,

Whose stomach churned below her.

"I tried to tell,

But just as well--

I think I'd rather show her."

Sunday, September 27, 2009

Good Evening

It’s time for pie!  Oh me, oh my!  
I hope my tummy’s ready!  
There’s not much room inside me after  
Two bowls of spaghetti.   

You go ahead and take a piece.  
You’re hungry still, I trust.  
And I’ll just take this fork and help you  
Even up the crust.   

This part is just too jagged,  
So I’ll have to eat a bit.  
But now an apple’s sticking out—  
Oh, what to do with it?!   

And now, it seems, there is a hole  
Where apples used to be.  
I guess I’ll have to even it.  
Oh woe, oh woe is me!   

Now this side looks too narrow,  
And this other side’s too wide.  
Too many apples over here,  
And too much crust outside!   

I’m really not that hungry,  
As I’m sure you must have guessed.  
Just let me finish even-ing,  
And you can have the rest!


Buttons, buttons everywhere! 
Over here and over there! 
Buttons on my favorite shirt, 
Buttons buried in the dirt. 
Small ones, huge ones, flat or rounded, 
Some are fastened, some are pounded! 
Buttons for each button hole, 
Buttons in my very soul! 
On the dvd remote, 
Falling off your winter coat. 
Buttons on the elevator 
And the chickie incubator. 
Buttons on my underpants! 
Let’s all do the button dance! 
Even on our tummies, too! 
I love those the most—don’t you?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009


When half the world has gone to bed,
The other half awakes.
Beyond each desert full of sand
Are oceans, ponds, and lakes.

For every whale beneath the sea,
An ant digs through the dirt.
For every sob or sadness there's
A hug to heal the hurt.

A valley binds each mountain range,
A field for every wood,
An answer for each question and
For every bad, a good.

A balance turns the widest world,
And guides the smallest flea.
There's room enough for all, and still
A place for you and me.

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Typo Town Diner

I took a trip to Typo Town
And found a restaurant.
The waitress smiled and sat me down,
And said, “So whatcha want?”

I ordered up a lobster,
’Cause that sounded really great.
She smiled and brought me back
A tiny gangster on a plate!

I said, “No that’s a mobster,”
She said, “Oh, I’m sorry, hon!”
She took it back and brought me
A vampire on a bun!

“Now listen,” I said patiently,
“That’s two mistakes, at least!
I didn’t order monster.”
So she brought a little priest.

I said, “No, that’s a minister,”
“Oh dear,” she said, “poor man!”
She took him back and brought me out
A sneaky evil plan!

“Now, that’s just sinister!” I yelled.
She said, “Oh sorry, mister!”
She cleared the table, then brought back
A platter with my sister!

I tried to order lobster,
She brought all this crazy stuff!
But since my sister’s such a crab,
I ate her. Close enough.

Breaking News

Good evening, I’m Chip Chipperson,
You’re watching Channel Four.
Our top story tonight:
My sandwich fell onto the floor.

The sandwich, turkey on whole wheat
With just a little cheese,
Flew off its plate when someone
Left it sitting in the breeze.

A witness happened by the scene
And saw this tragic tumble:
“It broke my heart,” said Sports Gal Sal,
“And made my cookie crumble.”

Then Lou with Weather shrugged and said,
“I told you there’d be wind.”
And Traffic-Copter Steve, who hates me,
Grinned and grinned and grinned.

More on this breaking story
After these commercial clips.
The sandwich leaves behind a pickle
And a bag of chips.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

No Pun Intended

I took my shoe to church today

To try to save its sole.

I rolled my soup-dish toward the pins

So I could try to bowl.

I couldn’t drop the little twigs--

That kind of thing just sticks.

I hit my brother with my foot,

I did it just for kicks.

I still was hungry after lunch,

And so I moved to Turkey.

The salted beef snack hurt my feelings--

Why was it so jerky?

The teacher let the students yell,

Oh why was this aloud?

The kitty bit me, and it hurt . . .

You could say she “me-OWed.”

I shaped a sweet-roll like a hare,

It was so warm and bunny.

I wrote a poem full of puns--

I hope you found it funny.

Sunday, September 13, 2009

House Cleaning

Grab a dustpan, grab a mop,
No time to watch cartoons!
It’s time to clean the house again—
We’re living like raccoons!

The kitchen table’s messier
Than I have ever seen.
There’s half a burger under it
That’s gone a little green.

There used to be a floor, I’m sure,
Beneath this pile of mud.
And I recall, there was a wall
Behind that stack of crud.

The shower’s full of mildew
And the pipe’s begun to rust.
The toilet’s like whole-wheat bread,
’Cause it’s got a two-inch crust!

The carpet color’s covered up
With tracks from dirty paws.
The bedroom’s like a bear’s den,
The garage is a lost cause.

Our friends are coming over,
And we’ve got so much to prove!
We’ll never get it clean it time—
I guess we’ll have to move!

Backyard Puppet Theatre

I’m putting on a puppet show!
It can’t be very hard.
I’m putting on a puppet show
Right here in my back yard.

I had to paint the scenery,
I had to hire the band.
I had to build the puppets
So they fit around my hand.

I had to set the stage up,
And I had to get some seats,
I had to stock the snack bar
With some marshy-mallow treats.

I had to draw some posters
So the audience would come.
I practiced with my puppets
’Til my fingers all went numb!

And now the curtain rises up,
And now the people clap.
But not a single puppet dares
To open up his trap!

Oh why, oh why, they wonder,
Are my puppets so tight-lipped?
Oh, this is so embarrassing—
I never wrote the script!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

In The Doghouse

Dad is in the doghouse,

Or, at least, that’s what he said,

’Cuz he forgot Mom’s birthday

And went out to bowl instead.

Well, I forgot to brush my teeth

And clean my dinner plate,

Then I knocked over all the milk

And stayed up way too late.

I even hit my sister--

Oh, so many things I tried.

So how come, after all I’ve done,

Mom made me sleep inside?

Sunday, September 6, 2009

The Jester's Tale

“It’s not worth the hassle
To build a new castle,”
The King told me after the quake.

“The old one just crumbled,
It fell down and tumbled
And rests on the floor of the lake!”

“Oh King, don’t be gloomy,”
I said, “Listen to me.
The answer you’re seeking is clear.”

Then I took off his slippers
And handed him flippers,
A mask, and some old scuba gear.

“A new castle is grand,
But it sits on the land,
And the water is much more adventurey!”

He dove there and then,
Never saw him again!
That’s how I became “Fool of the Century!”


Chocolate and cinnamon,
Pumpkin and spice,
Mix in some caramel,
Stir it up twice.

Heat up a saucepan,
And foam up some milk,
Bubbly as lava,
But smoother than silk.

Get out the nutmeg
And give it a tap,
Grab a warm scone
Or a fresh ginger snap.

Then whipped cream on top
Of your favorite mug.
And that’s how you whip up
A warm winter hug.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

Rainbow Soup

Find me a pumpkin,

Bring me some spice,

Get me a carrot

And three grains of rice.

Peel me potatoes,

Squeeze me some juice,

Gather three raisins

And one Chocolate Moose.

Pour me some Frostee-Os

Fresh from the box,

Fetch me a chicken

Without any pox.

Catch me a rain-cloud

And melt me some snow.

Where's that green mushroom

That's starting to grow?

Go find the jelly beans,

Bring me a lot!

Throw it together

And stir up the pot.

Serve it with bacon

And one slice of bread.

Won't Mom and Dad enjoy

Breakfast in bed?