Oh I’m the genie of the lamp,
And you have set me free.
I’ll sing a song, stretch out my cramp,
And grant you wishes three.
I won’t sit on the sidelines,
I’ll get straight to work for you.
But first, some rules, some guidelines,
There’s some things that I can’t do.
I can’t make people fall in love,
I can’t undo the past,
I can’t move planets up above,
I can’t make time go fast.
I cannot bring you riches,
And I will not maim or kill,
I’d rather not soothe itches
Or clean up a diaper spill.
I don’t do windows, won’t do floors,
I cannot bring World Peace,
I will not help you with your chores,
I won’t co-sign your lease.
I can’t transport you places,
And I can’t change your appearance,
I can’t affect horse races,
Or find hot new styles on clearance.
A friend like me, you’ve never had—
No need to quake and cower.
You want to be a Prince? Too bad.
That’s just beyond my power.
But what I do, I do so well
Your mind will come unglued.
From in the lamp where I do dwell,
I’ll bring you any food!
Whatever you are hungry for,
A meal, a snack, a treat,
Just make a wish or three—no more—
And pretty soon, you’ll eat!
You make your wish and give a nod,
I bring your food out later.
I’m not a wizard, not a god.
I’m basically a waiter.