Ahoy there, me buckos, come pull up a seat!
Ignore all the screamin’ below.
Kick up both yer peg legs, yer in for a treat—
The Pirate Variety Show!
An evenin’ of playin’ and singin’ and dancin’,
Occasional murder, and more!
Our talented crew is enchantin’, entrancin’,
And barred from appearin’ on shore!
There’s Whistlin’ Bill with the gap in his maw—
He blows a three minute sonata.
Then Sea Serpent Stephen unhinges his jaw
And does the full Kraken Cantata.
Ye’ll laugh at the antics of Old Pickled Peter—
A barrel o’ brandy he drank!
He plays Marco Polo and Follow The Leader
While stumblin’ about on the plank.
Up next is Blind Johnny who does a fine trick—
He juggles ten razor-sharp knives.
Our guests in the front row may feel a slight prick,
But most will escape with their lives.
Ventriloquist Joe does an act that’s first rate
Beneath all the billowin’ sails.
He uses the help of our late great first mate
To show that dead men DO tell tales!
And who’s that off stage with the glint in his eyes?
Oh, try not to give ’im a look.
Why that there’s the Cap’n. He silently spies
Just waitin’ to give ’em the hook.