Sunday, September 29, 2013

Rhymes with . . .

I bought a house on Blorenge--
That’s a well-known hill in Wales--
’Cause I need a rhyme for “orange,”
And I’m sick of rhyming fails!

In a little pen outside
You’ll find a darling little chilver.
Oh, she’s fluffy and wide-eyed 
And--even better--rhymes with “silver”!

I stay there each December--
It’s my favorite of the months!
Just two weeks, and please remember,
That is fourteen thirty-oneths!

Yet, despite my plans and scheming,
I can’t find a rhyme for “purple”!
And the bitter tears come streaming--
Oh, I feel like such a “curple”!

Memorize This Poem

“It’s time again,” the teacher said,
“To memorize a poem!”
“One week to get them in your head,
Then come and show you know ’em!”

All through the week I tried and tried
To find a verse worth knowing,
And by the end my brain was fried
With poems overflowing!

So Monday, when it came my turn
To serenade the class,
I tried to show that I could learn,
And here’s what came to pass.


“Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
The darling buds of May,
A stately pleasure dome decree,
Callooh! Callooh! Callay!

How do I love thee?  Let me count!
And Juliet is the sun!
I pondered, weak and weary,
O, Our fearful trip is done!

It is an ancient mariner,
Thou still unravished bride,
Whose woods these are, I think I know--
Land of the pilgrim’s pride!

A host of golden daffodils,
The dying of the light.
Here comes the sun, here comes the sun,
And I say it’s all right.”

The other students in the room,
Well, mostly they ignored.
The teacher, quiet as a tomb,
Looked slack-jawed, stunned, and floored.

She gave me a B-minus,
Then she told me to sit down.
She slowly rubbed her sinus,
With a furrowed little frown.

The next time that we memorize,
I won’t attempt them all,
I’ll just be wise and compromise
And check the bathroom wall!

Saturday, September 21, 2013

Flavor of the Minute

Welcome to The Toppling Cone,
Your favorite ice cream shoppe.
Oh we take such pride in starting
Where the other parlours stoppe!

Any ice cream place that’s worth its salt
Has special monthly flavors.
Lots of seasonal concoctions
You can lick and slurp and savor.

But if there’s a prize for innovation,
We would surely win it--
Come and see if you can keep up
With the Flavor of the Minute!

When we open up at eight-o-clock,
It’s “Chocolate Sticky Bun,”
Better hurry up and order,
’Cause it’s gone at eight-o-one!

Then it’s “Honeysuckle Lemon Drop,”
At least ’til eight-o-two,
Followed up with “Almond FudgeMallow,”
Then “Cookie Avenue.”

Eight-o-five is very special,
It’s “Vanilla Corn and Cheese,”
Yes, it sounds a bit peculiar,
But it’s guaranteed to please!

Then a bit of “Crunchy Pretzel Cone,”
A scoop of “Chicken Noodle,”
Eight-o-eight is “Bacon Brownie Brunch,”
Then “Jambalaya Streudel.”

Sometimes our ice cream chef complains--
It’s tough to change each minute!
But sales have shot up through the roof--
He’ll have to bear and grin it!

By the time it’s nine o’clock
It can be hard to understand,
And the flavor-mash-ups sometimes get 
Completely out of hand.

“Oatmeal Raisin Almond Mocha”
Is a fairly safe invention,
But “Banana Trout Umbrella Socks,”
Is just too gross to mention.

At eleven-twenty-seven, we’ve got
“Cocoa Bean Burrito,”
Wash it down one minute later with
“Mint Mandarin Mojito.”

Then at twelve-thirteen it’s “Paper Bag
With Grilled Cheese Sandwich In It,”
Oh it’s times like these that I rethink
The Flavor of the Minute!

Still, we’re selling these like hotcakes,
‘Specially at two-o-four,
When “Hotcake Surprise with Sausage”
Rolls right out the kitchen door.

Even “Mushroom Smores” at four-o-six--
The second we begin it--
Sells right out!  The people love to try
The Flavor of the Minute!

In fact, these taste sensations sell
Much better than we reckoned.
So tomorrow, watch as we unveil
The Flavor of the Second!

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

A Farsighted Plan

I took Mommy’s contact lens
And stuck it in my eye.
Then I took Dad’s bifocals
To see what I could spy.

And then my Pop’s binoculars,
My sister’s makeup mirror,
The family camera with the zoom
That makes far things look nearer.

My brother’s magnifying glass,
And Grandma’s reading specs,
And my ten-power telescope
To measure the effects. 

I smushed them all together--
A responsible decision!
’Cause Mom is always saying
That I need more super-vision!

Taco Stand

Tacos! Tacos!  Five for a dollar!
Spicy enough to make you holler!

Tacos! Tacos! Four for a quarter!
Filling’s thick like meaty mortar!

Tacos! Tacos!  Three for a dime!
Sitting out here all this time!

Tacos! Tacos!  Two for a nickel!
Now they’re the color of a pickle!

Tacos! Tacos!  One for a penny!
What do you mean you don’t want any?!

Dog Treats!  Dog Treats!  They’re gourmet!
Two dollars each--get yours today!