Sunday, February 27, 2011

Orange You Glad I Wrote This Poem?

I once was green with envy
When I heard my friend’s good news.
I’ve been so red with anger,
And I’ve even had the blues!

I’ve written lots of purple prose,
And I’ve been tickled pink.
My rainbow rhymes and metaphors
Are good as gold, I think.

When scared, I’m white as any sheet,
And then I feel so yellow!
But never mind—you’ll never find
A colorfuller fellow!

Cram Session

New York cheesecake, Philly cheese steak,
Texas barbecue.
Georgia peach pie, then a French fry,
Spanish omelet, too!

Belgian waffle—far from awful!
Irish soda bread.
Chew Brazil nuts with my mouth shut,
Or Dutch treats instead.

Canadian bacon, then—no fakin!—
German chocolate cake!
As for me, geography
Is one big tummy ache!

Sunday, February 20, 2011

There's Gum!

There’s gum beneath the table!
There’s gum beneath my shoe!
There’s gum beneath Aunt Mabel!
Oh, what am I to do?

There’s gum inside my pocket!
Oh, how’d it get in there?
There’s gum in Grandma’s locket!
And some in Grandpa’s hair!

There’s gum behind the kitty,
And in his litter box!
And in my model city,
The gum goes on for blocks!

I wish that I could rest my face—
My cheeks are going numb!
I need to find an empty place
To stick this piece of gum!

Doggie Pants

A pack of little schnauzers
Wearing matching little trousers
Was a-barking and a-walking down the street.

Each doggie in his pants
Did a funny little dance
As he flipped and flopped his fuzzy little feet.

And the people clapped and cheered
As each schnauzer with his beard
Danced around like such a jolly little elf.

Oh, and while they were distracted,
Can you guess just what the cat did?
Well, he knocked down all the vases on the shelf!

And the vases smashed and shattered,
And the pieces crashed and clattered,
And the cat took off—he knew that he’d been bad!

Then the trouser-schnauzer pack
Ran around and circled back,
And they barked and barked ’til everyone went mad!

This story has no lesson,
If you look for one, I’m guessin’
That you’ll try and try until, at last, you fail.

But I hope you still enjoyed it,
’Cause I just could not avoid it!
Oh, it seemed like such a funny little tail!

Sunday, February 13, 2011

Bee Mine

It’s almost time for Valentine!
I really hope that you’ll bee mine!
You make my heart float up on wings.
To bee without you really stings.
With you, my life is striped and fuzzy!
Bee my date, if you’re not buzzy.
What? You say you just don’t care
For bee-based wordplay everywhere?
Well, I don’t have to bee so punny . . .
Please just say you’ll bee my honey!
I’ll leave puns upon the shelf.
I promise to beehive myself!
No, wait! Don’t leave! My puns are done!
I’ve used each bee-related one!
I know that they were pretty bad,
So come have dinner at my pad!
I’m ribbeted when you are near!
I’m toad-ally in love, my dear!
Oh Valentine, my love’s no joke!
Without your love, I just might croak!

Gift Hunt

I’m trying to solve the mystery
Of what my parents got for me.
My birthday’s coming up next week—
I’ve GOT to have a present-peek!
I wait until they’re in the kitchen,
Shush my sister—no fair snitchin’—
Sneak as slowly as a snail,
And try to track the present-trail.
I find some wrapping paper scraps
Beside the chair where Grandpa naps.
The words, spelled out in bursts of blue,
Say “appy Birthda”—what a clue!
And soon I find a piece of tape
That leads me back behind the drape.
But sadly, I find nothing there.
Just ribbon—curling, not for hair.
The present must have been here once,
But I can’t find it—what a dunce!
The trail cuts off behind the curtain.
What’s my gift? I can’t be certain!
I’ll just have to wait for it.
I hope it’s a Detective Kit!

Sunday, February 6, 2011


Got my yellow feathers on,
Practicing my walk.
Clearing out my throat again
To make the perfect squawk.

Still a little jittery,
Right behind the curtain.
Checking that my beak-flap moves,
Gotta be so certain!

Only one more scene to go
Until my big debut.
Whether I will sink or soar,
I still don’t have a clue!

Soon I’ll float above the stage,
Just flapping on my strings.
It’s so hard to be patient
When you’re waiting in the wings!


I left my house without my face!
Oh what am I to do?
Oh darn! Oh drat! Oh deep disgrace!
I know I’m me, but who?
I feel like I am in disguise.
There’s no one in the mirror!
No cheeks! No nose! No mouth! No eyes!
I wish I could be clearer!
I never got to thank my face
For what it’s meant to me,
And now I’ve got a blank in place
Of my identity!
Does someone have a marker?
Or a crayon? Or a pen?
I’ll paint my face in darker
So it won’t come off again!