Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Let's Share

Mom said that we have to share,

So let me have your cake.

In return, I'll let you hold

The cup from my milkshake.

You should let me have your toys,

Your games, your bears, your blocks.

And what will I, then, share with you?

This nifty cardboard box!

Now I want your t-shirt,

And your favorite pair of shorts.

And since Mom said we have to share,

I'll let you share my warts.

I know what I really want--

I've got to have your head.

Hey, come back! I'm gonna tell!

You have to share--Mom said!

Thursday, July 23, 2009


It towers up above the island,
Dwarfs the greens below.
And all look up in terror
In the hopes that it won't blow.

It steams and rumbles, threatening
To pour its molten spew.
The only one who has a chance
To shut it down is you!

They're shaking in Jamaica,
And they're trembling in Barbados,
So hurry up, don't be afraid,
And eat those mashed potatoes!

Wagging My Tale

I tried to write a story down,
I wrote it at the table.
And it was just so fabulous
That it must be a fable.

I sat back down to write again
And added to the story
A little alligator guy—
Now it’s an allegory.

I hope that he’ll be nice to me,
I hope he’ll be my friend.
But if he bites my leg off
I will call it a leg-end.

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

You May Get Wet On This Ride

Listen, my friends, to a story that ends
With me cold and dripping and wet.
The fish in the ocean have merely a notion
Of how deeply drenched they can get.

I started the day in the usual way--
Woke up and jumped right in the shower.
I stood in the stream for a moment, it seemed,
Though really it was half an hour.

I dried and I dressed, with my suit newly pressed,
Ate breakfast and headed to work.
Then at the first light, when I meant to turn right,
I turned left and felt like a jerk.

I shouted in shock as I rounded that block,
And looked for a way to turn back.
From where he had hid jumped a big soapy squid!
My auto was under attack!

I soon learned my roof was not quite waterproof,
And nor were my windows or door.
My eyes opened wide--there was water inside!
Three inches now covered the floor!

The squid was now gone, but my car journeyed on,
And just when I thought we were done,
A high-powered jet sprayed some icy-cold wet,
And left me with nowhere to run.

I sat in my seat as the tide passed my feet,
Then my legs and my torso and arms.
And then, holy heck! It rose up to my neck!
Oh somebody sound the alarms!

The water then rose to the tip of my nose,
And quickly crept over my head.
I madly grew manic and started to panic.
Oh why did I ever leave bed?!

Then air flooded in and my brain could begin
To banish my terror and fear.
My door opened wide and the ocean inside
Drained quickly and then disappeared.

I tried to get calm, then an outward-stretched palm
Popped in as I heard a man holler:
“Thank you for cruising on over and choosing
Bob’s Car Wash--you owe us five dollars.”

I sneezed, gave a cough, then I paid and drove off,
Skipped work and went home to get dry.
My car sparkled clean, but I never have seen
A man who was wetter than I.

I have to confess that despite all the stress,
It was the best car wash I’ve tried.
In fact, I’ve lost track of the times I’ve gone back--
It sure is a heck of a ride!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

Bug Ball

Late at night, just once a year,
They gather in the dark.
The insects love to celebrate
The Bug Ball in the park.

They buzz on in from miles around
To dance and stay up late,
All dressed up in their finest clothes,
Each with a tiny date.

Mosquitoes in tuxedos
Make the ladybugs all sigh.
The Beetles play their music,
And the flies are lookin’ fly!

The spider brings some cider,
And the ants bring picnic food.
The lightning bugs blink on and off
To help to set the mood.

They slow dance and their compound eyes
Begin to glow and shine,
Until the centipede begins
A one-man conga line.

Then everyone picks up the pace,
The music starts to swing!
The fire ants all salsa-dance,
The wasps all do “The Sting!”

A honeybee got fresh once,
In the ladies’ room he hid.
Who told him to beehive himself?
Why, you know Katy did.

But usually it all goes off
Without a single hitch.
They dance and buzz and fly and hop
And roll and flap and twitch!

The buggies love their Bug Ball
On a summer’s night in June.
But they’re long gone before the next day’s
Bird Brunch Bash at noon!


There’s dishes piled up in the sink,
A soup stain on my shirt.
The dog’s been eating tissues,
And the bathtub’s caked with dirt.

My hair’s so thick and matted
That it broke my only brush.
The dust bunnies keep growing,
And the toilet needs a flush.

A grilled cheese sandwich hit the floor,
It’s smeared across the tile.
The baby’s needed to be changed
For quite a little while.

The drain is clogged, a vase just broke,
The van has a flat tire.
The basement’s underwater,
And the attic is on fire!

Mom and Dad said I should let them
Sleep in late this morning.
My work is done—when they wake up
They’ll take this as a warning.

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Pests 'R Us

See the spider on the wall--
Watch his legs begin to crawl.
On the sidewalk, there’s a worm--
Watch him wiggle, watch him squirm.
There’s a mousie by the door--
Watch him scamper ’round the floor.
In the closet, there’s a moth,
Hungry for your yummy cloth.
If you just don’t want them there,
Be a pal, and have a care.
Catch them gently as can be,
Find a place to set them free.
Always try to be a friend--
You’ll be happy in the end,
For every kindness that you do
Will find its way back home to you.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Read the Chart

Close your left eye, face the chart.
Try to read the smallest part.
Lots of letters, oh so tiny!
And the light is just too shiny!
Blink your eyeballs, squint and strain,
Try to focus, rack your brain!
That might be the number 3.
Maybe that one is a V?
This one looks a little funny,
Like a Q crossed with a bunny.
And the next three you can’t guess—
Just a fuzzy bunch of mess!
Now the deep commanding voice is
Forcing you to make your choices!
Why is it so tricky when you
Order from the drive-thru menu?

Yard Sale

I asked Mom and Dad for money just to buy a game.
They said, “No, you’ve got too many, and they’re all the same.”
Then they said that if I wanted, I could sell some stuff.
Get rid of things that I don’t need until I have enough.

A dollar for these underpants, a quarter for these socks,
Three dollars for these sneakers and this string of shiny rocks.
A nickel for this lovely pair of high-heeled leather boots,
Five dollars for this briefcase and eleven three-piece suits.
A dollar for each golf club and this exercise machine,
Buy four more things and I’ll throw in this giant plasma screen.

Oh won’t my parents be so proud to see how much I’ve earned?
I’ll never ask for cash again—my lesson has been learned!

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

Going Down?

I like pressing every button
On the elevator.
People who are running late
Are always made much later.
Lots of fun to make them mad,
They swear and curse in rhythm.
It’s dangerous to watch, though,
'Cause it means I’m in there with 'em!

Sunday, July 5, 2009

The Midnight Pizza Fairy

Late at night you lie in bed,
Alert as any owl.
You try to doze off, but instead
Your tummy starts to growl.

There’s hunger deep inside you
Too insistent to ignore.
Then, all at once, beside you
Stands a tiny little door.

A burst of light! A rush of air!
(It’s just a little scary).
Then suddenly she’s floating there—
The Midnight Pizza Fairy!

Her arms are huge, her belly’s plump,
Her tiny wings are strained.
The apron tied around her rump
Is greasy, streaked, and stained.

“I heard-a you tummy make a wish,”
She tells you as you stare.
“I bring-a you out you favorite dish!
Now don’t-a you go nowhere!”

She leaves, but soon returns once more
With boxes stacked up high.
She sets them on the bedroom floor,
Then looks you in the eye.

“I didn’t-a know what crust you like,”
She tells you as you reach.
“So I go back and tell-a Big Mike
To make-a you one of each!”

The steam pours off, so wispy,
And the mozzarella gleams.
The thin-crust is so crispy,
And the deep-dish thick as dreams.

She grabs your cheek and pats your head,
Then keeps you in her sight
Until you sit up in your bed
And take your first big bite.

A wave of pizza pleasure
Shocks and rocks you to the core.
You gobble every treasure,
But your belly begs for more!

She floats off on her little wings—
They’re green, and not too hairy.
You wait to see what else she brings,
This Midnight Pizza Fairy.

She comes back with some garlic bread,
A cheese and pasta toss,
Then levitates around your head
Three tubs of dipping sauce.

A side of eggplant parmesan,
Then four or five strombolis,
Then for dessert, hot fudge sauce on
Nine chocolate-chip cannolis.

“Mangia!” yells the fairy loudly,
“Eat it and enjoy!”
As you eat, she looks on proudly.
“Such a nice-a boy!”

Then when your belly’s good and full,
And both your eyelids droop,
She gives your blankets one last pull
And says, “You want-a some soup?”

Then tucks you in and clears the dishes,
Vanishing from sight
Until she hears your tummy’s wishes
Call tomorrow night.

Be Nice

Be nice to the birdies, be nice to the fish,
Be nice to the bear at the zoo.
Be nice to the froggie who makes a big squish
Whenever he hops on your shoe.

Be nice to your sister, your brother as well,
Be nice to your very best friend.
Be nice to the kid on the corner who fell
And busted his big old rear end.

Be nice to the nice ones and even the jerks,
For deep down inside them, it’s true,
A tiny and scared little nice person lurks
Who’s longing to be nice to you.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009

Work Out!

Jump straight up and come back down,
Touch your fingers to the ground.
Stretch out left, stretch out right,
Shake out loose, then scrunch up tight.
Lift your feet up off the floor,
Jog until your bottom's sore!
Move your legs, your toes, your hips,
Work off those tortilla chips!
Crunch your stomach, flex those thighs!
Everyone loves exercise!
Shower off, then dry and dress--
Don't you feel like a success?
Trim and toned, you're firm and fit.
Who'd like a banana split?