Sunday, August 29, 2010

The Perfect Match

One shoe black and one shoe white--
That is how I dressed tonight.
I think that I look out of sight
With one shoe black and one shoe white.

One shoe white and one shoe black--
My mother gave me so much flak!
She said "You march yourself right back
And change that other shoe to black!"

Two shoes black by eight o'clock,
I'm sane and stable as a rock.
I sure hope Mom won't be too shocked
By two black shoes and one green sock.

A Big Chore

A bee called Dave
Each Friday gave
His in-laws jelly knives.
Likewise, my niece,
Offering peace,
Quite regularly strives.
Two ugly velvet walruses
X-ray your zinkenite.
This poem’s alphabetical,
But was too hard to write.

Sunday, August 22, 2010


I'm sending a balloon-o-gram,
A post card in the sky!
I tie a letter to a string,
Let go and watch it fly!

I'll never know where it may go
Or where my note will land.
It might fly to the ocean
Or an endless stretch of sand.

It might touch down in frozen fields
Or isles of tropic beauty.
The highest Alpine mountaintops,
The foothills of Djibouti.

But when it does come down again,
And when its journeys end,
I hope that you will take the time
To read the note I send.

It's traveled far across the seas,
It's ventured high and low,
And all it has to give you is
A smile and a "hello."

Oh please read my balloon-o-gram!
It's easy, fun, and free!
And if you need a brand new friend,
Please send one back to me.


There’s a house down the block with a couple of signs—
Well, more than a couple, it’s true.
Every sign at the house has a couple of lines
To tell you what you must not do.

Do not ring the doorbell, do not track in dirt,
Keep off of the grass that is growing.
Do not pick the hose up and give it a squirt!
Steer clear when the mower is mowing!

Don’t sell us your cookies, don’t leave us your card,
Don’t wait for a welcoming greeting.
Stay off of the driveway—it’s just been re-tarred!
And don’t even try trick-or-treating!

Don’t loiter, don’t linger, don’t wait for a while,
Don’t walk by too fast or too slow.
Don’t fret and don’t frown and don’t smirk and don’t smile,
And don’t let your dog . . . well, you know.

Oh where the signs come from, I don’t have a clue.
It’s getting quite hard to believe!
And only one sign tells you what you may do—
In big bold red letters: PLEASE LEAVE!

Saturday, August 14, 2010

The Dog Beneath the Table

There’s a dog beneath the table,
And he’s waiting for your food.
He doesn’t care if it’s brand new
Or if it’s been pre-chewed.

Just pass him things you do not like—
No need to throw a fit.
He’ll wolf them down without a sound—
He doesn’t mind a bit!

And even if it’s nasty,
Or a putrid shade of green,
He acts like it’s the greatest treat
His eyes have ever seen!

The dog will eat most anything—
He even likes Dad’s cooking!
Just make sure, when you feed him stuff,
Nobody else is looking.

’Cause if they catch you keeping
That fat dog from getting thinner,
They’ll make you trade him places,
And you’ll have to eat his dinner!

Fridge Check

Moldy and rotten,
Halfway forgotten,
Stuck in the back of the fridge.

Wilted and droopy,
Just a bit soupy,
Starting to smell, just a smidge.

Blackened and squishy,
Wet like a fishy,
See how they glisten with slime!

Just one more day,
Then they’re ready—Hooray!
It’s almost banana bread time!

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Frenjamin Banklin

Oh come hear the story of Frenjamin Banklin.
He’s not in your history books.
In fact, if you mention him, many historians
Give you uncomfortable looks.

But Frenjamin Banklin’s important, you see;
He thought up ideas by the dozen!
He cooked up as many inventions and tricks
As his more respectable cousin.

While Benjamin Franklin invented the stove,
Old Frenjamin did something better.
He also discovered a way to keep warm—
The very first kitty-cat sweater!

Before old Ben F. made the bifocal lens,
He made up a lens with no focus!
He even discovered electrical power
Without all that kite hocus-pocus.

Don’t ask how he did it, it’s history’s secret,
And nobody knows it for real.
But legends remain of a sandwich-bread toaster
Hooked up to the back of an eel.

But that isn’t all that old Frenjamin Banklin
Invented, accomplished, or thunk.
When he was eleven, he bred a new poodle
That gave off the stink of a skunk!

He ran his own print shop, distributing pamphlets
On everything under the sun.
(Though just to be sure his ideas remained secret,
He bought and destroyed every one).

And when our new country was just starting out,
He thought up a national symbol:
(Though nobody liked it except Betsy Ross)
The Golden American Thimble!

So try to remember old Frenjamin Banklin,
And keep his life lesson in sight:
There’s got to be somebody getting it wrong
Before someone else gets it right!


I taught myself a brand new trick.
It’s known by all the greats!
It takes a lot of practice, but
I learned to spin the plates!

To keep them balanced on the poles,
I spin them fast and faster.
If I slow down one tiny bit,
Get ready for disaster!

I’m pretty good, I must confess,
But there’s a ways to go.
I’ve got to be the best before
The all-school talent show.

And so I’ll keep on spinning plates—
I’ve got to be the winner!
Just keep a towel handy,
’Cause it makes a mess at dinner!

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Full of It

Mom says that I’m “full of it.”
I don’t know what that means.
I went and asked my grandpa,
And he said I’m full of beans.

I asked him where the beans came from,
And why they’re in my guts.
He chuckled once and shook his head,
And told me I was nuts.

I didn’t get that either,
So I went and asked my nanas.
I said, “How come I’m made of nuts?”
They said I was bananas.

I guess the “it” I’m full of
Must be beans and nuts and fruit.
But when I told this to my dad,
He said, “You’re full of cute!

So now I’m all confused again.
What are they trying to pull?
And why do I still have to eat
My peas if I’m so full?!

The Cool Kids

I want to hang out with the cool kids!
I want them to think that I’m cool!
I want them to think that there’s nobody cooler
Throughout all the halls of our school!

And so I stuffed snow in my t-shirt,
And buckets of ice down my pants.
I left all my socks in the freezer!
Those other kids don’t stand a chance!

I even filled up my new jacket
With all the ice cream I could buy!
The cool kids have got to accept me,
’Cause really, now, how cool am I?