Closing Argument

“Your honor, the defendant stands accused before the court

Of crimes quite reprehensible. The list is none too short.

Three counts of grand theft auto with a rusty old machete,

Two counts of public lewdness with a plate of cold spaghetti,

Obstructing heavy traffic wearing only a fedora,

Conducting a Bar Mitzvah with a giant gummi Torah,

Misspelling girlfriends’ names on half a dozen big tattoos,

Removing final chapters from a shelf of Nancy Drews,

Kidnapping a koala from a wildlife sanctuary,

Assaulting strangers dressed up as the ‘Random Beat-Down Fairy,’

Providing pure ghost pepper juice to quench his grandma’s thirst,

And thirty-seven separate counts of murder in the first.

Your honor, he must answer for each horrible offense.”

“Agreed. Now do you have a thing to say in your defense?”

The little man inhaled and eyed the jury on their stools,

And then he offered his defense:  “Your honor . . . APRIL FOOLS!”