Taking Down the Christmas Tree

Taking down the Christmas Tree, a job so sad.

Hard to say goodbye to the good times had.

Pulling off the tinsel and the velvet socks,

Putting every ornament in its box.

Eating every candy cane with a tear.

Making decorations disappear.

Wrapping up the lights and the tiny hooks,

Singing one last carol, long sad looks.

Bidding all the angels au revoir,

Saying “silent night” to the shining star.

Thinking of the memories the tree has seen--

New Years, Easter, Halloween . . .

But tomorrow is Thanksgiving, so we’ll eat and then,

We’ll put the tree back up again!

Goodbye Moon -- by Darth Vader

And the Award Goes To . . .

I’d like to thank you all for this remarkable award!

I’d like to thank the voters, and I’d like to thank the board.

I’d like to thank my co-stars, my incredible director,

I’d like to thank the squeezer of my morning mango nectar.

I’d like to thank the lighting crew, the make-up guy as well.

I’d like to thank the towel-folders back at the hotel.

I’d like to thank my agent for fulfilling all my wishes.

I’d like to thank my breakfast muffin--gosh, you were delicious!

I’d like to thank my golf clubs, and I’d like to thank my caddy.

I’d like to thank my Labradoodle--Chucky, bark for daddy!

I’d like to thank the artists who created the effects--

I’d like to thank their Robo-Laser-Clone-o-saurus-Rex!

I’d like to thank each minute of each day of every week!

I’d like to thank the orchestra that’s playing as I speak.

I’d like to thank my toilet brush--hold on, I’m almost done--

Yes, I’d like to thank you all--and I would get to, if I’d WON!!!

The Riddle of the Jerk

What has three eyelids but never can sleep?

What lies and yet always tells truth?

Wide as the ocean, yet only skin-deep?

Refined, and yet often uncouth?

What weaves by day and unravels at night?

Weighs nothing, yet carries a ton?

Frosty and frozen and wintery white,

Yet hot as a spot on the sun.

What sings sweet songs without making a sound?

Has plenty but never can share?

What walks on five legs that roll on the ground,

Yet soars like a frog through the air?

What magic answer unriddles these tricks?

What solves this confounding old quandary?

You’ll feel like a fool when it finally clicks--

It’s “nothing”--now go do your laundry!

The Cape & The Cowl

If you are a hero who stalks through the nights,

Who fights in tight tights for the citizens’ rights,

Then come grab a drink between crime-fighting flights!

Take a chair at The Cape & The Cowl.

Oh nowhere is there a Super-ior club.

The world’s finest heroes all parked in one pub!

There’s Hatman!  Blue Lightning!  Sue-Nami!  The Grub!

And a guy who’s dressed up like an owl!

Sit down for an hour--the city won’t mind.

Relax from the grind, rest your super behind!

Oh even your kind needs to breathe and unwind,

Though they never will throw in the towel.

Come drink and tell tales of your battles so proud,

The villains and scoundrels you’ve plowed and KA-POWed.

Just headlining heroes--no sidekicks allowed,

So feel free to unravel your scowl.

No alien robots, no psychotic clown,

Just heroes like you at the best bar in town!

No bar fights, of course, or you’ll tear the place down--

Our insurance provider will howl!

But come take a load off, coat-check all your gear,

And watch as your worries and cares disappear!

(The city is mine!  All will tremble with fear!)

Stay all night at The Cape & The Cowl!