I.O.U.

My dad said it’s important that you pay back what you borrow.

“My son,” he said, “forgetting debts can only lead to sorrow!”

And so, because my dad is wise, I promptly pay each debt.

There’s not a thing I’ve borrowed that I haven’t paid back yet!

When you loaned me a dollar for a pretzel at the fair,

I paid you back in pennies--ninety-seven!  Almost there!

When you loaned me an egg so I could finish my soufflé,

I only used the inside.  I returned the shell!  Hooray!

I did return your turbo-charged electric ear hair groomer--

That’s not MY dog’s hair clogging up the parts.  It’s just a rumor!

And when I took your dental floss, I didn’t want to swindle.

I used it, wiped it off, then wound it back around the spindle!

It may sound like I haven’t paid back everything I took.

It may sound like I haven’t evened out the balance book.

But next time that you loan me something, I will make it right.

I’ll pay you back a little extra, just to be polite.

Hey, can I have a tissue?  I’ve got allergies galore!

I swear I will return it--plus a little something more.

"Do You Want?"

“Do you want to eat some peas?”

“No.”

“Do you want to eat some cheese?”

“No.”

“Do you want to wear your pants?

“No.”

“Do you want to do a dance?”

“No.”

“Do you want to watch TV?”

“No.”

“Or your kitty DVD?”

“No.”

“Do you want a red balloon?”

“No.”

“Or a visit to the moon?”

“No.”

“Do you want to have a nap?”

“NO!”

“Or a story in my lap?”

“NO!”

“How about a bowl of grapes?”

“NO!”

“You could help me clean the drapes!”

“NOOO!”

“Do you want to spin around?”

“NOOO!”

“Throw your crayons on the ground?”

“NOOOOO!”

“Do you want to bathe the dogs?”

“NOOOOOOOO!”

“Stuff the toilet ’til it clogs?”

“NOOOOOOOO!”

“Well, what DO you want to do?”

“Guess.”

“Should I hug and cuddle you?”

 . . . 

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!”

Side Effects May Include...

Your nose may run, your eyes may itch,

You might begin to cough.

You may develop “bottom twitch,”

Your earlobes may fall off.

Your toes may smell like roasted beans,

Some people’s elbows sweat.

(It’s not clear what blue nose hair means--

No one has seen that . . . yet).

If you begin to sprout a flower,

Go and buy a vase.

You may start melting in the shower--

Keep away from face.

Your teeth may chatter in the rain,

Your spleen may start to shout.

If there is pressure in your brain

A penguin may pop out!

A few will suffer eyebrow loss

And goopy green emission.

Before you use “Bob’s Dental Floss,”

Consult with your physician.