Father's Day Shopping

It’s Father’s Day this Sunday,

And I swear it’s not too late!

Shop “Tony’s Last-Ditch Discount Gifts”

And pick out something great!

There’s mugs of every shape and size,

“Top Dad” and “Perfect Pop.”

A hat with built-in hair to hide

That shiny spot on top.

A baseball-shaped umbrella stand—

The bat glows in the dark!

A combo-flashlight-pooper-scoop

For night walks in the park. 

A neck-tie golf-ball polisher—

That always comes in handy.

 A forty-dollar gift card for

“The King of Cotton Candy,”

Some flashing keychains, beer can holders,

Grilling odds and ends,

A singing fish that’s sure earn some

Eye-rolls from your friends.

A rainbow painting made from

Different shades of macaroni,

A dozen truck stop license plates

And magnets that say “Tony.”

We’re running quite a special—

Buy one gift and take five free!

Your dad is sure to love them

If he’s anything like me.

The prices aren’t set on these—

I’ll take the lowest bids!

No refunds, all sales final.

(Oh, and please don’t tell my kids!)