Smell-o-Vision™

My brand new television set

Is quite a revelation.

It’s got built-in Surround Smell™!

Every day’s a smellebration!

The cooking shows are fabulous—

Aromas waft with ease.

The sizzling scent of tacos

With a whiff of nacho cheese!

The travel network’s beaches smell

Just like a tropic ocean—

They’re salty, fresh, and fishy

With a touch of suntan lotion.

The game shows smell like hair gel,

And the talk shows smell like coffee.

That show with running lifeguards smells

A little Hasselhoffy.

Just sniff the science fiction shows—

They smell like outer space!

If you hook up your web cam,

Why, it smells just like your face!

I learned my lesson yesterday—

Steer clear of channel seven!

The Rotting Garbage Network

Stunk my house to highest heaven!

And don’t watch sports unless you like

The smell of dirt and sweat.

I haven’t dared to channel surf

The Wildlife Channel . . . yet.

But mostly I’ve been pleased as punch.

No TV could be greater!

So clear your nose and watch with me.

You’re busy? Smell ya later!

Lecture

Clean your room up! Don’t be rude!

Don’t give me that attitude!

No more hitting! Sit up straight!

Don’t move ’til you’ve cleaned your plate!

Do your homework! Do your chores!

Don’t you dare to slam the doors!

Keep the noise down! Stop that wailing!

No more pointless tattle-taling!

Listen when I talk to you!

And don’t tell people what to do!

My Dog's Mind

Someone rang the doorbell! 

A squirrel is at the park! 

I think I smell some hair gel! 

I guess I’ll have to BARK!   

A dog is on the TV! 

The yard is way too dark! 

A kitty looked right at me! 

Looks like I’ve got to BARK!   

The sky’s a bit too starry! 

The light bulb made a spark! 

Well, better safe than sorry— 

Here comes another BARK!   

Some carolers are singing! 

The herald angels!  Hark! 

Well, here is what I’m bringing— 

Glad tidings with a BARK!   

My barks are loud and leaping, 

In fair times or in fowl. 

But now that you are sleeping, 

I think it’s time to HOOWWWWL!

Fill in the Blank!

Oh once there was (fill in the blank)

Who came from outer space.

He (blanked) on a banana peel

And fell down on his (blank).

 

The other (blanks) all tried to help—

They gathered all around.

They chanted, “Buddy!  (Blank) back up!

Don’t lie there on the (blank)!

 

The (blank) felt so encouraged

That he got back up again.

He (blanked) his spaceship up above

The little greenish (blank).

 

He (blanked) a message down to them—

Each one, he hoped to thank.

But sadly, no more words came out—

He simply drew a (blank).

A Pun-ishing Picnic

I went down to the beach today

To run and swim and build and play,

But mostly what I went there for

Was just to picnic by the shore.

My friend said she would meet me there,

And lots of snackins we would share.

But somehow she forgot the food!

Her mental note had come unglued!

“Dear friend,” said I, “do not despair!”

I flopped down on the sand right there.

I waved my arms and legs just so,

Like making angels in the snow.

I rose to see what I had done,

Then fell to make another one.

I drew each friend a pointy hat,

And no, I did not stop at that!

I drew for each a broom to ride,

Then drew a tuba by her side.

And then I rubbed the tuba out

And drew each witch a frowny pout.

“My friend,” said I, “my work is done!

Our picnic time has just begun!

Although we have no chips or cheese,

No melon balls or lemon-freeze,

No burgers, shakes, or curly fries,

No cookies, cakes, or whoopee pies,

It seems we still have all we need

We’ll have our picnic, yes indeed!

We’ll sit down where the sand itches

With tuba-lonely sand-witches!”