Your face is washed, your teeth are brushed, you’ve got your bedtime shoes,
Good evening, kids, and welcome to the Nightly Night-Night News.
We dig beneath the surface to report your stories right--
I’m Malcolm Lupe Grant, and here’s our top story tonight.
An older woman in her home was ruthlessly attacked--
Her house was robbed, her food was eaten, property ransacked.
A struggle seems to have begun with pushin’ and with shovin’.
The older woman was discovered trapped inside her oven.
The footprints of two children were discovered in her kitchen--
Police have just released her name: Grunhildamina Witchen.
The only lead--a trail of breadcrumbs--seems to have gone cold--
So lock your cookie house up tight if you’re alone and old.
Related news--a home invading vagrant’s on the prowl,
A local family of three first told the Daily Growl.
“We’d just stepped out,” the Papa said, “to have our evening stroll.
We came back home and found a smashed up chair and empty bowl.
We went upstairs and found out that our window had been crept in--
A yellow hair was left upon the bed that she had slept in.”
Police are setting girl-traps that will snatch her out of sight.
Log on and take our poll: Too harsh? Too lenient? Or just right?
Security was breached tonight inside the Royal Palace.
Police are not yet certain if the act was done in malice.
A social function was disturbed by some gate-crashing teen:
The uninvited guest could not afford a limousine.
Instead she pulled up in a pumpkin painted like a carriage.
With jars upon her feet, she sought the Prince’s hand in marriage.
Preliminary test results showed no intoxication,
Though trace amounts of “Fairy G” deserve investigation.
That’s all the news until the morning. Thanks for tuning in.
I’m Malcolm Lupe Grant, and here’s my famous toothy grin.
“Up Late with Rumpelstiltskin”’s next, with music, talk, and laughter.
Good night, and may tomorrow bring you happily ever after.