ABC-Mart

Apples, pickles,

Blue popsicles,

Candy-coated ham.

Double-stuffin’

Eggplant muffins

Flattened into jam.

Gobs of dripping

Honey slipping

Into frozen peas.

Juice and cornflakes,

Ketchup cupcakes,

Loaded up with cheese.

Mashed potatoes,

Nuts, tomatoes,

Overturned with glee.

Punch is flowing,

Quickly going,

Running wild and free.

Salad dressing

Tipped and messing

Up the chocolate chips.

Very thickly,

Warm and trickly,

X-tra syrup drips.

You might choose to keep your groceries whole, not torn apart--

Zero chance for that, though, if you crash your shopping cart.

On The News

My class was on the news tonight! 

My face was on TV! 

My mom is hiding out of sight, 

But Dad’s so proud of me!   

My class was on the news tonight! 

It’s just a little weird. 

My grandma thinks it isn’t right, 

But Grandpa clapped and cheered!   

Why were we on the news tonight? 

I really shouldn’t mention. 

I’m pretty sure I’ll have to write 

About it in detention.

Just Desserts

I call my brother “shortcake,”

’Cause he isn’t very tall.

I also call him “pudding,”

’Cause he has no shape at all.

I used to call him “cookie”

Just to see if he would crumble.

I never call him “pie” because

He isn’t very humble.

I sometimes call him “fruitcake,”

’Cause he acts like such a nut.

And once I called him “sticky buns”

And kicked him in the butt!

I love to tease my brother

And to call him things to eat,

And—Hey! My brother bit me!

Well, I guess he’s not so sweet!

"Thanks, Santa!"

Santa brings presents, Santa brings toys,

Stockings all stuffed for the good girls and boys.

Candy, games, dollies, and pink piggy banks--

But when was the last time you told Santa “Thanks!” ?

Santa flies all night to bring you each gift.

No one relieves him, he works every shift.

Squeezing down chimneys and giving away

Everything that he can fit on his sleigh.

How many people, though, write him a card,

Just to say “Thank you for working so hard”?

Or stop in again at his chair in the mall

To tell him his gifts were the best ones of all?

This time, this December, this end-of-the-year,

Thank Santa for all of your Christmas-time cheer.

Or spread some yourself every day, better yet.

Perhaps that’s the best thanks dear Santa could get.

Piano Hero!

I got a brand new game today,

It plays on any system.

It rocks my world so many ways

That I can’t even list ’em!

It’s called “Piano Hero.”

Come and give my game a try!

Just hit the buttons as the

Music notes go flying by.

Just time it right and hit the buttons

Good and clear and strong.

Keep practicing this game until

You master every song.

The buttons, just to keep it real,

Are only black and white.

There’s also eighty-eight of them,

So keep your focus tight!

It’s such an awesome game to play,

And you will rock, I’m guessin’.

Just don’t forget to stop in time

For your piano lesson!

Extra Fizzy!

My soda’s extra fizzy!

What a splendid thing that is!

’Cause my day is extra busy,

And I really need the fizz!

The bubbles foam and crackle,

And they help me do my thing.

They make my belly cackle,

And they give me extra zing!

And all my chores go super-fast,

And everything gets done.

Back up, because I’m zooming past!

Take cover, everyone!

Oh everything improves a bit

With just a little soda.

But if I drink too much of it,

I think I might exploda!

Step Right Up!

Friends and neighbors, gather 'round!

Marvel at this man I found

Frozen here beneath the ice!

You may view him, for a price.

Just one dollar, gals and guys,

Lets you gaze with awe-struck eyes,

Taking in without a blink

This Amazing Missing Link!

Surely he, in days of yore,

Hunted on some ancient shore,

'Till the chill set in too fast,

Freezing him within the past.

Now this wonder, you’re in luck,

Can be yours for just a buck!

Step right up and take a chance.

Pay admission in advance.

Now prepare your fragile mind

For this most momentous find!

Stare into the iceman’s soul

Through his two black eyes of coal!

Mysteries and frosty charms

Linger in his twiggy arms!

Gaze in horror, curl your toes,

At his orange carrot-nose!

The surprise will knock you flat

When you spy his pipe and hat!

Feast your eyes, and feel the freeze!

And bring your friends--no refunds please!

Possum Posse

Deep inside the forest,

Where the trees are green and mossy,

Lives a pack of nighttime bandits called

The Awesome Possum Posse.

When the other critters fall asleep,

The Posse starts its day,

Finding every kind of mischief

That can pass the time away.

First they sneak into each burrow,

Then, to prove that they’re no slouches,

They steal every critter’s acorns up

And hide them in their pouches.

Then each night, beneath the shining moon—

I swear, it never fails—

They do flips between the treetops

With their fuzzy, flexy tails.

Oh the risks they take! The daring deeds!

They make the senses swoon!

They annoy each fussy owl,

But inspire each raccoon.

If you wish, one day, to join them,

If they’ve made your spirits blossom,

Better start your training early,

And be good at playing possum!

Toys

Teddy bear, teddy bear,

High on the shelf,

Why are you sitting there

All by yourself?

Racing car, racing car,

Under the bed,

Shift out of park and start

Racing instead!

Baby doll, baby doll,

Back in the drawer,

You are loved most of all,

Come out once more!

(Choo choo train, choo choo train,

Hid from the cat,

Safer if you remain

Back where you’re at.)

No More Christmas Music!

Enjoy this new Christmas song, written and recorded by yours truly!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7hDexXMCMMA

Eddie The Elf

Oh come hear the story

Of Eddie the Elf.

He cleans Santa’s stables out

All by himself.

There’s no songs about him,

No show’s that you’ll find

For the elf who sweeps up

What the deer leave behind.

He just grabs a shovel,

Holds onto his nose,

Then into the stable

He cheerfully goes.

He knows it’s disgusting,

He knows it’s no fun,

But he knows that it’s needed

And has to be done.

Without someone cleaning,

The team couldn’t fly.

They’d sit, so unstable,

All slouched in their sty.

But Eddie the Elf,

With his shovel in hand,

Ensures Christmas gladness

All over the land.

So this Christmas Eve,

Take a moment to pause

For the folks who clean up

After old Santa Claus.

You may never sing

Of a small elf named Eddie,

But chances are strong

That he’s helped you already.

Moving Day!

Hooray, hooray, it’s moving day!

I’ve waited all the year!

Today’s the day my missing stuff

Begins to reappear!

My Super-Robot-Troll-Invader,

Still inside the box!

At last, I finally found him

When I packed up all my socks!

And here’s that book that Grandma sent—

I thought that it was lost.

But there it was beneath the sofa,

Right where it was tossed!

And here’s my flashlight, here’s that shoe,

And here’s my cowboy hat!

My cars, my broken gum machine,

And look! I found the cat!

Oh I love moving day the most,

And all the joy it brings!

The longer we stay in one house,

The more I lose my things!

Happy Holidays!

Wrap the presents, tie the bows,

Watch the special Christmas shows.

Sing the carols, "Sleighbells Ring!"

Put some popcorn on a string.

Hang the stockings, trim the trees,

Help me bake these cookies, please.

Get the lights up, boil the yams,

Stuff the turkeys, bake the hams.

So much planning to remember . . .

Aren't you glad it's still September?