You May Get Wet On This Ride

Listen, my friends, to a story that ends
With me cold and dripping and wet.
The fish in the ocean have merely a notion
Of how deeply drenched they can get.

I started the day in the usual way--
Woke up and jumped right in the shower.
I stood in the stream for a moment, it seemed,
Though really it was half an hour.

I dried and I dressed, with my suit newly pressed,
Ate breakfast and headed to work.
Then at the first light, when I meant to turn right,
I turned left and felt like a jerk.

I shouted in shock as I rounded that block,
And looked for a way to turn back.
From where he had hid jumped a big soapy squid!
My auto was under attack!

I soon learned my roof was not quite waterproof,
And nor were my windows or door.
My eyes opened wide--there was water inside!
Three inches now covered the floor!

The squid was now gone, but my car journeyed on,
And just when I thought we were done,
A high-powered jet sprayed some icy-cold wet,
And left me with nowhere to run.

I sat in my seat as the tide passed my feet,
Then my legs and my torso and arms.
And then, holy heck! It rose up to my neck!
Oh somebody sound the alarms!

The water then rose to the tip of my nose,
And quickly crept over my head.
I madly grew manic and started to panic.
Oh why did I ever leave bed?!

Then air flooded in and my brain could begin
To banish my terror and fear.
My door opened wide and the ocean inside
Drained quickly and then disappeared.

I tried to get calm, then an outward-stretched palm
Popped in as I heard a man holler:
“Thank you for cruising on over and choosing
Bob’s Car Wash--you owe us five dollars.”

I sneezed, gave a cough, then I paid and drove off,
Skipped work and went home to get dry.
My car sparkled clean, but I never have seen
A man who was wetter than I.

I have to confess that despite all the stress,
It was the best car wash I’ve tried.
In fact, I’ve lost track of the times I’ve gone back--
It sure is a heck of a ride!