Pencilvania

Come on down to Pencilvania!

See the Fighting Pencils!

Watch them play their rival team,

The Stencilvania Stencils!

Watch our guys in yellow

As they suit on up and head out.

Up and down the field they run,

Just tryin’ to get the lead out.

First the Lineman runs the line,

He’s followed by the Tracer.

One wrong move’s a penalty

That brings in the Eraser.

If it starts to rain a bit,

They roll on out the tarp.

They keep on playing anyway—

That’s how they stay so sharp!

So make a point of visiting!

We’ll mark your place for you.

And learn the Fighting Pencils’ cheer:

“We’re Always Number 2!”

Giraffe Feeding

I fed a giraffe at the zoo today.

He must have enjoyed what he ate!

He followed me back to my house right away,

Then sat at the table to wait.

I got him a napkin, a placemat, a plate,

A cushion for under his rear,

I cleared out some space so his neck could stay straight,

And took down our big chandelier.

And then I kicked all of my skills into gear,

And made stacks of pancakes so high

That a regular person could eat for a year

And the stack still might stretch to the sky!

The giraffe licked his lips, gave a grin oh-so-sly,

Then he opened his mouth in delight.

Not a moment or three had the chance to go by,

And the pancakes were gone in one bite!

The giraffe gave a burp of magnificent might,

Then he banged on the table for more.

I made them, he ate them—we did this all night!

I wish I could show him the door!

So now here I am at the grocery store

To buy maple syrup—oh heck!

Who knew giraffe feeding would be such a chore!

It’s really becoming a wreck!

Next time at the zoo, I had best double-check

Before I go feeding some mammal.

’Cause feeding giraffes is a pain in the neck!

I’m better off riding the camel!

I Wished

I wished on an eyelash that fell from my face.

I wished on each planet that floats out in space.

I wished on my candles, I wished on my cake.

I wished on a chicken pot pie, (by mistake).

I wished on the starlight that flickers from heaven.

I wished when the clock said eleven-eleven.

I wished on a fluffy that flew through the air.

I wished on a sparkly I found in my hair.

And one time I wished on some candy I found

Right next to a penny face-up on the ground.

Oh someday my wishes are bound to come true!

I’m fully prepared for the day when they do.

I’ve cleared out a space near my bed in my room

For Rampaging Rexy, my Dino of Doom!

Banana Burger Drive-Thru

Welcome to Banana Burger™,

Can I take your order?

You can try our Nanner-Fries™

For two bucks and a quarter.

Burgers are all made-to-order,

Picked fresh from the tree.

Oven-ripened, sliced just right,

And golden as can be.

Fifty-cents to mega-size

Your Chicken-Nanner-Strips™.

Value meals are served with choice

Of seven Nanner-Dips™.

If your family’s driving with you,

Treat them all to lunch—

Try our Big-Banana-Burger-

Belly-Buster-Bunch!

Seventeen Banana Burgers™

Topped with every trimming

In a peanut-butter bucket

Filled to over-brimming!

When you reach the pickup window,

Both hands on the wheel!

The parking lot is slippery—

It’s always got appeal!

Enjoy your food and come back soon!

We’re near Peach Pizza Pit™.

Just try Banana Burger™ once—

You’ll never want to split!

Just Peachy

I put a peach upon a shelf.

I left it there all by itself.

Just one round fuzzy little peach

Upon a shelf, way out of reach.

And pretty soon, within a week,

The shelf began to smell and leak.

It dripped down stinky greenish goop

Like moldy guacamole soup.

And mom got mad! She stomped and yelled

Because the whole darn household smelled.

We couldn't sleep, it stank so bad!

I blame it all on Mom and Dad.

For this is what their wisdom brings—

They're always saying "Try new things!"

Story Cellar

Come down to the Story Cellar!

Get them all right here!

Shelves of tales for every feller,

Bringing joy and cheer!

Get Three Pigs for just a dollar!

Half-price Robin Hood!

Scary tales to make you holler

Loud and strong and good!

Come on in and start your spending!

Have a story spree!

You can even write the ending

For no extra fee!

All our books are missing pages,

Mostly at the end.

You decide the final stages!

Flex your mind, my friend!

Want the wolf to marry granny?

Want the witch to win?

Want to ditch the magic nanny

In the rubbish bin?

Go ahead, the tale is yours!

Ride home on your bike,

Shut the windows, bolt the doors,

And write it how you like!

Throw in extra underpants!

Make it all a dream!

End it with a chicken dance

In vats of chocolate cream!

Half-off stories are more fun—

There's so much more to do!

Your story's only just begun,

The rest is up to you!

Camping Gear

Getting out my camping gear, 

Looking for my tent. 

Gotta find my fishing rod, 

One that isn’t bent.   

Got my thermal underwear, 

Got my blanket roll. 

Found my iron skillet 

And my campfire cookin’ bowl.   

Here’s my mega-flashlight 

That vanquishes the dark. 

Here’s my book on how to cook up 

Acorns, roots, and bark.   

Found it all so quickly! 

Can’t believe my luck! 

Pick up every bit of it, 

Toss it in my truck.   

Holding my receipt in hand, 

Driving to the mall. 

Man, do I hate camping gear! 

Must return it all!

Fair

The shoe is on the other foot! 

The tables all have turned! 

What goes around has come around! 

The lesson has been learned!   

What once was good for ganders only 

Now is good for geese! 

And turnabout is still fair play— 

Will wonders never cease?   

The others will do unto you 

If you give them the chance. 

So give my back my ice cream cone, 

And I’ll return your pants!

Checking It Twice

I’m checking off my Christmas list

To see what Santa brought.

Did he think I was nice this year,

Or was I really naught?

I see he brought my bowling ball,

My anvil made of lead,

And all those bricks and stones and sticks

To stuff in Joey’s bed.

He also brought my science kit

For making clouds of stink.

(Sometimes it’s nice to get a gift

That really makes you think.)

Let’s not forget my stocking,

Filled with every kind of treat.

They’re for my friends—some taste like garbage,

Others taste like feet.

And there’s my vat of applesauce,

My boxing kangaroo,

My seven bags of feathers,

And my tub of crazy-glue.

I got most nearly everything!

Each whim and each desire!

My only wish that Santa missed?

A goat who belches fire!

I’m glad that my good deeds this year

Reached Santa at the Pole.

But with the year that I’ve got planned,

He’d better make some coal.

Happy New Year!

Brand new minute!

Brand new day!

Brand new year!

Hip Hip Hooray!

New adventures!

Brand new friends!

Brand new roads with

Brand new bends!

Brand new jokes

And new hugs, too!

Grand new times

For me and you!

New horizons

To explore . . .

Same old laundry

On the floor.