I’m checking off my Christmas list
To see what Santa brought.
Did he think I was nice this year,
Or was I really naught?
I see he brought my bowling ball,
My anvil made of lead,
And all those bricks and stones and sticks
To stuff in Joey’s bed.
He also brought my science kit
For making clouds of stink.
(Sometimes it’s nice to get a gift
That really makes you think.)
Let’s not forget my stocking,
Filled with every kind of treat.
They’re for my friends—some taste like garbage,
Others taste like feet.
And there’s my vat of applesauce,
My boxing kangaroo,
My seven bags of feathers,
And my tub of crazy-glue.
I got most nearly everything!
Each whim and each desire!
My only wish that Santa missed?
A goat who belches fire!
I’m glad that my good deeds this year
Reached Santa at the Pole.
But with the year that I’ve got planned,
He’d better make some coal.