Attention witches, wizards, gnomes, and mermaids from the ponds—
Why pay top price? Come down to Crazy Glorch’s Discount Wands!
At Syllamander’s Shoppe you’re paying mainly for the label.
But we’ve got wands at wholesale costs—dirt cheap, and mostly stable!
Check out this fine mahogany with core of Griffin feather—
It cuts through cans and frying pans and thickest dragon leather!
It’s polished with a sasquatch pelt to never lose its shine!
It’s yours for just three payments of eleven ninety-nine!
This Wand-o-Matic ULTRA is the new must-have invention—
With Spell-Check, texting, hexting, it’s the latest in pretension!
And try this mammoth narwhal tusk for giants, oafs, and trolls—
It gives the user whale-sized strength, plus shiny new blowholes!
This little hollow plastic one we call The MollyCoddler—
It makes a gentle whooshing noise—just perfect for your toddler!
And then there’s our deep discount bin, for when the budget’s tight.
They’re two for twenty, three for free, and seven just for spite.
The crooked wand’s a bargain if you like to go kablooey,
This chocolate one won’t do much, but the nougat center’s chewy.
Here’s one that’s just a plain old stick, this one’s a rawhide bone,
This “wand” is a banana you can play with like a phone.
At Crazy Glorch’s Discount Wands we offer no returns.
Our store is not responsible for scorches, scars, or burns.
Come down for Merlin Madness Day—the biggest sale all year!
Shop now before these beauties—and these prices—disappear!